Shark Bait OOH-HA-HA and Other Tales from a Carolina Vacation

I wrote the following, months ago, but I didn't get it posted because my kids were home all day for the Summer.  The weird cartoons blowing up my tv, fighting, and extreme noise made my brain stop working.  So you're getting this now.  And frankly, it's not my best work, but whatever.

In late June, we departed from Jersey, for a big, fat Carolina vacation.  We visited family in eastern NC, and then the kids finally got to see their closest friends in SC, whom they'd not seen in a year. 

Days later, we went to the Wilds Christian camp, which is tucked into the mountains of NC.  NC mountains... pretty to look at, but kinda scary. Then we met up with the youth group from our church in Jersey, and we began our stay as sponsors for the week.  I'd not stayed at the Wilds for about 10 years, so it was kind of exciting to be back.  The only thing I really dreaded was meals, because I don't eat "camp" food or any kind of mysterious meat.  And I've seen what a bunch of Baptists will do to save money. But I was strong and brave.  And I showed up for dinner the first night.

I don't know when they started cramming 10 adults to one table on that warm, humid porch of the dining hall, but I sat there with my elbows tucked and my entire shoulder to elbow, touching the men on each side of me.  Now, one of them was my husband so that was ok and all, but the other one was a total stranger.  Then the power went out.  At first I didn't think there was any reason to panic because it was daylight still, and I figured it would come back on in a minute.  So the ceiling fans silently whirled a few final times, delivering their last fleeting moments of relief, and I sat there touching these men while trying to contort my arms in a way that would lead the last of my pizza towards my mouth without someone taking an elbow to the face.  Once the meal was over I said, "I'm never going in there again. I'd rather starve."


So hours passed, and we endured the Summer heat, without power.  We hadn't even brought a flashlight. We flopped onto the bed that we'd not put sheets on yet, and began to spiral into negative delusions, caused completely by the torturous heat.  Here's a few statements/questions I can remember:


"I hate the Wilds."
"I hate this hard bed."
"I hate no power."
"I hate camp."
"I hate the dining hall."
"Why do they want us to suffer?"
"Even when the lights were on, I didn't like them.  They were too bright."
"I hate the toilet paper."


Then I suggested that we put sheets on the bed while we could still see how to do it, but Steve said he didn't want to get up, so he'd just go outside later and turn the headlights on, and they'd shine into the room, providing a beacon of light over the bed, and then we'd make the bed. And then I laughed hysterically at his procrastination.


Meanwhile, over in the kids' dorms, we had no idea how the kids were doing, but later learned that some of the campers didn't have running water.  Elizabeth's group had to bathe in the stream that night, and she was terrified because of her fear of sharks..  Yes, you just read that.  My kids have always made fun of my weird phobias, not understanding that crazy is genetic. Now Elizabeth is getting a taste of her own genes.


The night grew dark on that isolated Carolina mountain, both literally and figuratively. When the power finally came back on, we were exceedingly happy!  And our outlook changed completely, until we found out that the outage, involving 3 counties, was caused by a snake that slithered into a transformer, causing major damage, and another outage was expected for further repair.  So we lived in fear after that, but thankfully they never had to shut it off again. The rest of the week was awesome, except for having to drive 40 minutes into town, every single day, to avoid starvation.  I actually like the Wilds, but next year I will take a grill, slow cooker, cutting board, knife, toaster oven, and small refrigerator. And Steve's completely on board with this because he's slowly turning into me.  He says I've ruined him.



Elizabeth on the big horrifying swing.



Noah, soaking wet.

Think "Deliverance"

So after a week of mountain fun, spiritual growth, and intense suffering, we were headed to Myrtle Beach.  All the way from the mountains to the coast, the kids filled our heads with all of their wild stories of fun, misery, and one particular "psychotic" counselor.  The heat wave that swept across the country was upon us, and I was ready to be neck deep in the ocean. 


From the moment we arrived, Noah harrassed us about visiting Ripley's Aquarium for the 497th time.  It's always the same, but he feels that it will offer him new excitement with each and every visit.  And sure enough, the highlight of our entire trip happened at the aquarium.  Elizabeth timidly stepped onto the moving sidewalk thing that takes you into the tunnel, underneath the massive tank of sharks.  And then it happened.  This is a story I wouldn't even tell if there had not been several witnesses.  Midway through that jawsome sidewalk ride, one of the sharks slowly drifted by Elizabeth, then turned back, looked her square in the eye, and snapped it's mighty tooth-lined jaws at her! 3 times! I'm not saying it charged the glass or anything, but I think it wanted to scare her!  Can sharks sense fear, through like a foot of acrylic?  It was so epic!  Needless to say, she was quite relieved when the sidewalk spit her out on the other end.  Here's a few pics of her experience.

Later, in the ocean, some big fish bumped into my leg.  It could've been a shark, but who knows?  I screamed and attempted high speed underwater running/swimming/flailing, but it didn't scare me enough to get out. I still played in the waves, and watched the seagulls diving for fish all afternoon. I actually think sunscreen is far more dangerous than ocean life.  It gives you a false sense of security and then you lay on the beach all day like an idiot, and leave looking like an angry lobster.  It's hard to be a white girl.

And lest you think I'm crazy for suggesting that a shark could have touched me, check out this picture taken by my friend, Becky, in the exact same location, the day after we left.  A few seconds later, the lifeguard cleared the people out of the water.  I always miss out on all the cool stuff like this. *Cue the Jaws music* 

On one of our last nights at the beach, I woke up around 4 am and listened to the soothing sound of a gentle rain coming down on the roof of our travel trailer.  Then I heard thunder and began to worry. Perhaps you remember what happened last time we were at the beach?  Our canopy and lights were still out, just like that fateful stormy night.  I wondered if I should wake Steve.  I grabbed my phone and got a weather update.  "Myrtle Beach: Some Thunder in the area," which sounded like absolutely nothing, so I assumed everything would be fine.  About 15 minutes later, lightning was flashing every single second, hard rain was pounding on the roof, the camper was shaking, and the awning was popping up.  Steve woke up, flew out of bed (he remembered his shorts this time), and our entire family had to get up and deal with the storm.  We went back to bed around 5.  Thank you, phone weather people.


We made another overnight visit to my hometown, and my Mama had picked up some fresh Dixie Lee peas for me to take home.  Hooray!  That's my favorite vegetable in the whole world! Then we ate a lot of pulled pork ("BBQ" if you're a North Carolinian) before leaving for Jersey.  It was not hard to return to our Jersey life of new friends, and where I can get an organic burger from Elevation Burger, or a real cheese steak from Tony Luke's in nearby Philly.  Or just go hang out at the shore.

But I can't get this..